I’m new to the masturbation survivor community–that is, I’m new to the “survivor” part. But like so many victims, the masturbation part had virtually taken over my life. I wasted so much of my youth in the grip of… well, of me. Finally… I’m learning to let go.

I’ve been masturbation free for two months now. I have my 60-day chip in my pocket, where I frequently rub it to remind myself how good a masturbation-free lifestyle feels. For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m seeing things clearly, mostly because spend so much time with my eyes closed. Best of all, now the only thing I’ve got on my hands… is time.

Masturbation destroys lives–and not just the lives of those of us who are in its grasp. Most of all it destroys the millions of precious lives that are launched into oblivion every time we selfishly choose ejaculation over fatherhood. If I’m lucky enough to get to Heaven, what am I going to say to those sperm? I just pray they forgive me.

The urge to masturbate never truly goes away. Actually, the longer you go without doing it, the stronger it gets. But I avoid falling off the masturbation wagon with faith, prayer, and kind of semi-humping the sofa cushions when nobody is around. But we have a saying in the masturbation survivor community–one tug is too many, and a thousand are not nearly enough.

I want to stay masturbation free. I’m hopeful that I’ll be able to with the love and support of my brothers in the survivor community. I no longer feel that I have to abuse myself–because now, I’m in the hands of a Higher Power.

Watch “I Regret My Masturbation: Survivor” Here