Here at LPJL we get a LOT of pushback from haters saying “Abortion is Not Funny” and “How Dare You Joke About This” and “I’m Pro-Choice, But This Is Too Far” and “Ma’am, You Have to Be IN a Car to Come to the Dairy Queen Drive-Thru.” Nevertheless, we persist.

This great article in the Outline reminded us why we language and humor is so important to us! The article is called “Plenty of people are pro-abortion” and in it the author Kathi Valeii writes about a man who said (trying to help) that in reality MOST people don’t have abortions for selfish reasons. “The more subtle and insidious impact of his comment, however, is the inference that there are, in fact, “selfish” reasons to have an abortion, or that if the decision to have one is easy, it's somehow less respectable,” she says. Honestly, we couldn’t have said it better ourselves.

Here’s the thing: we get that you all might have your own emotional baggage that causes you to judge other people for their actions. Hell, we’re all judgmental bitches sometimes (none more than the Dairy Queen worker who demanded we “have a car”). But it’s just… not a good way to live and DEFINITELY not a good way to WRITE LAW.

Last week there were a bunch of articles about “how many people actually support abortion” that looked at the different ways you could word the question to get people to respond. The other side likes to talk a big game about how a lot of people say they want SOME kind of abortion restrictions. And that’s why we add that we don’t want ANY TRAP laws or arbitrary week cutoffs. But the real poll that matters is the one that shows the  MAJORITY of Americans support Roe v. Wade.

Some articles say “I support abortion rights EXCEPT…” is a more nuanced approach. We consider it a more JUDGEMENTAL approach. Sure, you personally, can be a bitch for no good reason. You can look at an 18-year-old who never wears condoms or takes BC and be like “Ugh, she should’ve known better. Now I’m gonna make her care for a CHILD for 18 years, to teach her a lesson.” BUT THAT IS NOT HOW POLICY SHOULD BE FORMED. You can be like “Ugh, people should just have more personal responsibility” as you’re late to every meeting and let all your plants die. BUT THAT IS NOT HOW POLICY SHOULD BE FORMED. You can think, “Ugh, but like, people shouldn’t wait that long to have an abortion” as you forget to return your ASOS order in time even though it’s so fucking easy. BUT THAT IS NOT HOW POLICY SHOULD BE FORMED AND ALSO SORRY FOR JUDGING YOU ABOUT ASOS BECAUSE, AGAIN, WE DON’T KNOW YOUR LIFE.

So yes, have your own personal opinions about abortion. We’d contend that you should challenge them, if they’re maybe based on your notions of how people “should” behave. But it’s fine if you personally don’t want an abortion. Live it up, baby! Just, remember, for some people abortion can be a very good and necessary and lifesaving thing! So saying you’re pro-abortion is saying that you realize abortion can be a positive experience and part of someone’s lives. It’s not saying you think that every single person should be forced to have an abortion. DUH GUYS!

Policy is not about being a judgmental bitch. It’s about realizing that people deserve to live in a just world. And that is why we SHOULD be receiving our cookie dough blizzard SOON.

Thank you for reading our letter, Dairy Queen Corporate.