Let’s talk about Crime and Punishment, not the book, don’t worry, there’s no test coming up. BUT LOOK- It’s no secret that in the world be live in, punishment for any number of “crimes” is completely arbitrary.

If you’re a white man, and you sexually assault a woman, your promising future as, well ANYTHING is DEEPLY considered. Now if you’re a woman who got a scholarship to Stanford, but forgot to take her birth control and wind up pregnant , your future is also DEEPLY considered- considered to be inconsequential so, SORRY WHORE YOU’RE STUCK WITH A BABY FOR LYFE! Men get to have potential, everyone else just has responsibility.

We know it’s just that time of year again (“that time” meaning, “all year whenever politicians are working”), when the TRAP laws come back into the Houses and Senates, but boy, are these newest batches disheartening. We’ve moved on from the “draw your sonogram from memory” TRAP laws to FULL-BLOWN “IF YOU HAVE AN ABORTION YOU STRAIGHT UP GET THE DEATH PENALTY.” Not a joke. See, in these Orcs' minds, if you have a uterus you’re put on this planet to breed, so THAT is your future. If you’re a man who “makes a mistake” well… we’ve got to think about your PROMISING FUTURE as a regional manager at a Wendy’s, or a Supreme Court Justice.

These entitled “We believe all naughty abortion getters should be punished” stories are nothing new for the ,jerking-it-to-philosophers-but-not-really-getting-it-good ol’ boys at the Federalist. But today, they showed they care about equality, by publishing a “Yes, It Would Be Just To Punish Women For Aborting Their Babies” story from… a WOMAN.

Ugh, whenever we see straight ladies writing arguments for a bunch of men we just wanna be like “Look, he’s not gonna be good at sex anyway! DON’T TRY SO HARD!”

And if you think that was bad, for the second time in TWO YEARS, this Oklahoma politician like, is trying to pass a law that punishes people who have an abortion WITH LIFE IN PRISON! Real quick, how much time does the average rapist serve? Oh, none. Yeah your priorities seem real chill, Oklahoma.

And topping it off, Ohio politicians are trying to pass a law that punishes you BEFORE YOU COULD EVEN KNOW YOU WERE PREGNANT. Forever reminder that whatever doctor who told some anti-choice zygote lover that the one nerve you have at 6-weeks counts as a “heartbeat” … should be punished by having to hear an anti-choicer talk for eternity.

When we’re talking about punishments, that’s the only one we can get behind!