Y’all mind if we pop off for a bit.

One of our favorite, funny, things is when anti-abortion monsters try to sound like logical scholars. Like, they all think they’re 19th century philosophers, enthusiastically contemplating what it is to be ALIVE. But they’re just like, a bunch of mean Grindelwalds trying to argue they get to tell everyone what to do.

It’s really infuriating to read these kinda hair-brained pieces, if you don’t stop to consider, just how hilariously ridiculous they are. Like… you can know a lot about history and what scholars to quote. It doesn’t add up to a valid point, my man. But thanks for teaching me about … clubs?

Which brings us to this opinion piece in the Washington Post (and sidenote, you should have the word “opinion” on all these kinds of articles not just the word “perspectives”– say opinion or have a disclaimer that’s like “This is just some dude’s ramblings and we gave him $250 for it) titled “Senators Shouldn’t Be Afraid of the Knights of Columbus.

LOL, LOL, LOL at this title first of all. Here’s an early gem “These are troubling questions, but not, as some have asserted, because they represent a 21st-century version of America’s centuries-long tradition of anti-Catholicism.” Ummm, first of all um, we’re pretty sure that… a bunch of journalists uncovering your CENTURIES of covering up sexual assault is not BEING ANTI-CATHOLIC. In fact that kinda attitude (that anyone questioning the church was effectively being anti-catholic) is EXACTLY WHY SO MANY ABUSES WENT UNCHECKED FOR SO LONG YOU FUCKING SICK MONSTER. Also you can’t say the U.S. is SOOOOO anti-Catholic when the president LITERALLY TRIED TO BAN MUSLIMS FROM THE UNITED STATES. Like, I think people occasionally having to answer a question on their job application is… not at all equal to not being able to travel to the US to visit your sick child.  

Moving on to “stop trying to sound smart, bro” this guy decides it’s important to define the ENTIRE AMERICAN HISTORY OF CLUBS in order to justify why the Knights of Columbus (Oh sidenote: if you don’t know what the Knights of Columbus are they’re a Catholic fraternity that — drumroll please — hates abortion among other things and is sponsoring the March for Life) is chill.

BRO it is NOT because we hate like, membership societies that we hate the Knights of Columbus. I mean, we all joined Classpass on Jan 1 as an effort to work out more (or maybe just me). IT IS BECAUSE AS A JUDGE YOU CAN’T JUST BE IN A GROUP THAT HAS EXTREMELY STRONG VIEWS ON HOW PEOPLE SHOULD BEHAVE, MORALLY. It’d be like if you were in an “I love crime” group and then were like “Naw these are just my bros, I still can be an impartial judge.” Or COURSE we’re supposed to hold our judges to high standards of impartiality. That doesn’t go away because a fucking sitting Supreme Court Justice said that there’s a huge Clinton conspiracy (and the Senate was still like “he seems chill”). That doesn’t mean we have to COMPLETELY ABANDON independent thinking!

So in 2019 let’s all remember that logic can still exist. And that a dude just talking about history for 100 minutes to try to lull you into complacency… IS NOT LOGICAL!