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Y’all a federal judge JUST blocked the 8-week ban in Ohio and you know how Ohio is RESPONDING TO THIS? By trying to pass a TOTAL ban! It is legit SUCH an unhinged bill that is truly terrifying and could have catastrophic ramifications! But also… in a very real sense that is not nearly as important but somehow is what we have to hold onto… it’s truly so ludicrous that it’s almost funny. Not funny for SURE, def not funny that it would take away rights but… funny in the sense that it feels like we’re competing against like, the least organized group of people ever assembled.

Let’s break it down. FIRST, once again, they’re trying to give people who have abortions the death penalty. Next, the group supporting it is called Right to Life Action Coalition of Ohio. THIRD they are not in any way affiliated with Ohio Right to Life. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL I mean, love that there are two separate groups with “right to life” in their name arguing that women, transgender men, and nonbinary people should get the fucking death penalty. All irony has been lost!

The next (fifth, sixth funniest) funniest thing is that this bill is 723 pages. We think the other side is trying to get to us by making us BORED HAVING TO READ THROUGH ALL THESE DOCUMENTS. They keep quoting this lady from ONE of the right to life groups (the lesser of the two) the whole article and honestly we would pay her 100 billion dollars (nonbinding contract) if even she had read this whole bill. 

OK also the idk, eighth funniest thing is you know that idiot politician who was like, “well why haven’t they tried moving the ectopic pregnancy BACK into the womb?” You know that shit that is NOT real and every doctor agreed it was NOT A THING? Well, that language is in the bill too. And they say… we truly… cannot make this up… that if that ever DOES become an option, you have to do it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! If you ever can get me in the FaceOff Machine with Gal Gadot you HAVE TO DO IT. Put it in the bill, it’s science now.

The twenty-second funniest thing about this bill is when anti-choice people try to describe “intent”. Here’s what Ohio State of Right to Life THE REAL ONE, NOT THE FAKE ONE, WE PROMISE, LLC INCORPORATED president had to say, “If your intent was to kill the child, then you should be held criminally responsible. If your intent was something had gone wrong and there’s an issue with the mother and unfortunately something had to happen, that’s a whole different intent.” So what you’re saying is… if your INTENT was that something goes wrong… then you’re fine. Yes people def have the INTENT to miscarry.  Good use of that word, you moralizing heartless jerk, you def know what it means!!  

Anyway the biggest joke of all is that ⅓ of House GOP Caucus co-sponsors the bill. We don’t really have a punchline for that.