Well, it’s officially the end of troll week “business days” edition. It’s Friday the 13th and we can’t imagine anything crazy happening before we hit the road for Austin, Texas (takes a big sip of coffee).

Y’all truly, these fools call us #triggered #snowflakes all the time and then still use the racist-Asian accent and then still believe they deserve to work for SNL. They call us #triggered #snowflakes and then… oh god OK let’s set this next one up a little.

Texas is big mad that they can’t just make all their constituents anti-abortion ludites. All these outsiders keep coming into Austin cuz Austin is cool as shit, and dammit do these anti-abortion politicians think it is RUINING their state. So Texas as a whole passes laws to hurt a more liberal Austin, like a recent law that said cities couldn’t fund abortion providers. LITERALLY this law was a direct hit on Austin, a true troll done with crushingly cruel exactness. 

BUT THEY’RE STILL BIG MAD. Like imagine being in control of ALMOST everything and still getting THIS FURIOUS! Austin fired back by setting aside $150k (like that’s great and we love this but… that’s not THAT much money) to help people seeking abortions. AND TO THIS REPUBLICAN STATE REP BRISCOE CAIN (of Cain and Abel fame we assume) CALLED TO ABOLISH AUSTIN AS A CITY BECAUSE OF THIS. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Oh my side, oh noooo, it hurts from laughing so much. #SNOWFLAKES

Brisco Cain is famously anti-abortion and he’s so “pro-life” that today he’s in the news for tweeting “MY AR is ready for you” to Beto O’Rourke’s call to  Beto O’Rourke’s tweet “Hell yes we’re gonna take your AR-15’s.” 

Now if you thought “hey, there’s nothing more annoying than gun nuts explaining to you that AR doesn’t stand for assault rifle” well… what about a super conservative “free speech software” twitter????

That account tweeted that “my AR is ready for you” WAS OBVS NOT A DEATH THREAT YOU STUPID LIBS… because… wait for it… “What if he meant it’s ready for you to take, given the context of the tweet he is quoting where you claim you are going to do so.” 


Truly to the question of “Do we think Brisco Cain was saying he’s ready for people to take his gone and didn’t mean anything incendiary!?!?” We’ll answer with this quote from the Salon article: “Rep. Briscoe Cain, an anti-LGBTQ Republican who once got kicked out of the state’s Democratic convention for illegally bringing a gun to troll liberals…”

Oh also, based on a reddit thread with two anecdotes in it, the anti-abortion movement is now convinced that some people have the kink of getting a bunch of abortions with their partner.

Have a great weekend, AFers!