Men, men, soon-to-be-accused men, if you’ve got a to-go back ready to leave it all behind at the mere mention of things you did sophomore year, if you constantly flinch when someone approaches you at the water cooler, terrified that someone you pushed your dick into will come to end you, if you walk to your car, alone in the parking lot of a grocery store at night (your precious wife asked you to pick up some milk on the way home), you forgot it, now you hear a whisper in the wind, you turn, is that a flow of blonde hair, your turn again, oh no, it’s too late, she’s upon you — we have some advice. Fucking think about what your goddamn apology OR excuse is gonna be BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.

Because, “I was a virgin at the time” well… that ain’t it, fam.

You expect that to mean that male virgins aren’t still rage-monsters capable of violent crimes? HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEWS?

To all victims of sexual assault who are having a tough time with this news cycle, we just wanted to say we believe you, we are sorry you are having to deal with this, and here are some fun videos if you need a break from the news. Take care of yourself and if you need help, reach out and let others take care of you too.

The News:
Imagine Being Remembered As the Guy Who Said Planned Parenthood Was Like A Concentration Camp, THIS IS YOUR LEGACY!

Quick Reminder That, In Fact, Abortion Clinics Don’t Want to Force You to Have An Abortion, They Want You To Make the Decision Right For You, Whatever It May Be

We … Cannot.