Fam, we’re all just so bogged down with how depressing the Kavanaugh story has become (but we are continually in awe of the amazing Dr. Christine Blasey Ford), so we’ve decided instead today to tackle… the most controversial and difficult arguments in the abortion conversation. Let’s talk about the F word… feminism.

In New York Magazine we’ve got a dude talking about another dude’s article in the Times about feminism. LOL. LOL. Look, we know everyone, like, has their jobs and they have to write about the days news… but… come on. Love having two dudes over 50 debate what is and is not feminism.

But anyway they bring up another F word: fetal personhood. We don’t believe life begins at conception. They do, fine. It’s fine to believe what you want as long as you don’t FUCKING PUSH THAT AGENDA DOWN OTHER PEOPLE’S NECKS. Like, I’m not gonna go to Karen’s baby shower and be like “actually, this should be a fetus shower” and pop a bunch of balloons. So to, you should not protest outside a clinic. If you follow fetal personhood to its conclusion, it’s actively cruel to people who have miscarriages too. Our bodies betray us all the time, everyone learns this at some point in their life. Maybe just like… be a person and be compassionate.

But today we issue a forever reminder: we’d maybe be able to walk a mile in the shoes of someone who just like, really didn’t like abortion because they believe a fetus is a person IF IF IF IF they PUT THEIR FUCKING MONEY WHERE THEIR MOUTH WAS IN ANY OTHER WAY. If they, idk, pushed really hard for birth control being available, if they thought teaching teenagers about safe sex was important and valuable, if they fought tirelessly for working moms to receive equal pay, to raise the minimum wage, to make affordable day care available. Maybe then, we could be like “OK, well you’ve clearly devoted your life to this, and we can see your opinion, even though we do not share it.” BUT NO, instead they go yell at people outside a healthcare center for 5 hours a day. THINK OF HOW THAT TIME COULD BE BETTER SPENT!

So in conclusion: if we hear someone say anti-choice is feminist because it’s for all the unborn little girls, we will fucking flip a table.