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Can a bitch get a coordinated beanie game going? Not if oppressing reproductive freedom are your squad goals. We’re back from the depths of hell, aka The March For Life” and we’ve seen so many PICTURES of BABY YODA (who is cancelled now, sorry) as an argument for being anti-abortion. We gotta admit, as fun as it was to counter-protest and yell at them, it did really bum us out. That’s why our staff is mostly taking mental health days today.

I mean, four of us were stopped by a woman on a run who looked near tears telling us, “Thank you so much for being here! I didn’t know how bad it was going to be! It’s awful.” And another poor tourist just came to ride a Segue and check out some monuments, and then was like “Oh sheeeet!”

We’re gonna have dispatches all week from the M4L (lol that’s what it said on their stupid beanies) but first up we’re hitting the… truly nightmarish THEME of the March: “pro-life is pro-woman”. 

I maybe heard my favorite quote ever from a speaker at the march whose name I REFUSE to look up, “3/4 of [abortion’s] victims are women, half the babies and ALL the mothers.” AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THIS IS SO INSANE IT IS BETTER THAN ANY JOKE I WILL EVER TELL IN MY LIFE.

And then we get this… BAFFLING article from the Atlantic “The Troubling Ideals at the Heart of Abortion Rights” which we think is… sort of the crux of their argument too. 

The premise is basically if we didn’t have abortion then women would actually be able to be more successful in their careers because people would then focus on passing legislation to help mothers. 

“Imagine a world without Roe and Casey, but with Ginsburg’s rightfully celebrated anti-discrimination successes in the 1970s. In this world, workplaces and other institutions better acknowledge encumbered women, duly encumbered men, and the child-rearing family’s demands generally.”

WHAT A FUCKING LEAPPPPPPPPP! 

So here’s the thing. We have Thank God for Abortion foam fingers (thanks TGFA and Shout Your Abortion), we have Abortion AF t-shirts, we have a show called Operation Save Abortion. EVEN WE DO NOT THINK THAT ABORTION MAKES UP 100% OF THE CONVERSATION.. Just cuz all you anti-abortion freaks think about is how to end abortion, doesn’t mean that all WE THINK ABOUT is how to make everyone have an abortion.

Do you think the ONLY laws we think are important are abortion rights laws and we do nothing to help with paid family leave, anti-discrimination policies towards pregnant people, cheaper healthcare, cheaper daycare? 

What kind of fucking argument is it that taking away our rights … WILL SOMEHOW LEAD TO MORE RIGHTS? 

Also, not for nothing, how many anti-abortion people HAVE YOU SEEN push legislation that would help mothers in their career? 

ALSO ALSO ALSO, a lot of people who are mothers get abortions or who get abortions become mothers. Bodily autonomy isn’t about DENYING people the right to get pregnant. 

We cannot get over someone arguing that ABORTION is to blame for mothers still having trouble succeeding at work. WHAT??????? 

So again, it’s… not pro-woman to say “I get to decide what you do.” Which is why we don’t go around forcing people to have abortions. Duh. It’s not “pro-woman” to tell women and pregnant people what to do and that there’s only one right way to be. Good try.