What's Done in The Dark, Will Come to The Light (Because Mike Pence Will Tweet About It)
SECRET SUMMIT OF SUCK: Last week, Vice President and Resident Ghoul Mike Pence held a high-level meeting that was a virtual “Who’s Who” of the Anti-Abortion Hall of Shamelessness. There were movers and suckers from many of the major groups vying to infiltrate your uterus. One said, “We met with the Vice President to talk with him about our pro-life priorities for the healthcare bill.” So it should serve as a reminder that the P.O.S. “health care” bill the GOP is trying to force feed us will devastate reproductive rights, while depriving 22 million people of healthcare coverage (multi-anti-tasking!). But it won’t serve as a reminder of anything, because the event NEVER APPEARED on Pence’s daily schedule, was never formally announced, and the VP’s office refuses to answer questions about it, calling it “a private meeting” ABOUT PUBLIC POLICY – WITH THE VICE PRESIDENT! We only know about it from a photo tweeted so that the attendees could have a selfie of soullessness to send out! This health care bill is a disaster for everyone and even worse for abortion rights!
When It Comes to Accused Rapists, Betsy DeVos Says: “Let's Hear Them Out!”
JESUS. FUCKING. CHRIST. Sorry if that isn’t exactly witty, but this story is about the Secretary of Education meeting with accused rapists to get their input. Yes, THIS IS HAPPENING. Betsy DeVos FINALLY agreed to meet with advocacy groups for survivors of sexual assault, but she also scheduled equal time for those accused of sexual assault. AGAIN—REALLY! DeVos is meeting with “men’s rights” groups and others with agendas that oppose domestic violence laws, sue to stop women-only networking events, and advocate for accused rapists and assaulters with “ruined futures.” One of them excused woman-beater Ray Rice by saying “if she hadn’t aggravated him, she wouldn’t have been hit.” Thanks so much for your thoughts! Would you be kind enough to educate a Trump Cabinet official on your findings?” Say it with us: “JESUS. FUCKING. CHRIST.”
Students Sue After High School Rejects Anti-Choice Glee Club
ASSAULT WITH A CLUB! That’s what a group of high schoolers want to do to their fellow students in Allentown, Pennsylvania. They wanted to bludgeon their classmates into moral purity with an anti-abortion club! Now they’re suing their school district because the district put some restrictions on fundraising and certain other activities. Ironically, the club was to be called “Trojans for Life,” even though one could assume that they frown on any contraceptive measures! And in any case, the estate of George Orwell owns the name “Junior Anti-Sex League.”
How Badly Does Texas Want to Get Rid of Abortion? “Cause More Abortions” Bad
BACKFIRE DEPARTMENT: File this under “What could possible go right?” After years of misguided and unconstitutional assaults on abortion rights in TEXAS, the number of teen abortions there has surged, even as it has dropped steadily elsewhere across America. Gee, who would have guessed that knee-capping a group called “Planned Parenthood” would lead to an increase in UN-PLANNED Parenthood!?! After Texas forcibly closed some 80 women’s health clinics, abortion rates for teenagers increased 3 percent, and those are just the reported cases. Also, in hard-hit rural areas, the increase was as much as 191 percent! Bottom line, attacking abortion rights doesn’t stop abortion, it just stops rights!
Life News Wants A Say in Your Uterus, and Melinda Gates' Checkbook
NO GOOD DEED… goes un-lied about in the anti-choice, anti-woman tabloid media. Now they’re attacking Melinda Gates for generous and much-needed contributions to family planning across the globe – BECAUSE ABORTION. Gates has pledged an additional $375 million from her family’s foundation to providing effective family planning help to people in some of the world’s poorest countries. NOT A PENNY of Gate’s money is earmarked for abortion. But in the eyes of these nut-bags, any dollar spent helping anyone anywhere somehow translates to millions of “murdered babies.” You have to feel sorry for people whose hatred of reproductive rights is so extreme that it turns them against any and every effort to help people.
If you're in Ohio there's good news, and there's bad news.
The bad news? Abortion access in your state is FUCKED. The good news? THE VAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR HAS LANDED IN CLEVELAND! If you're in the area, come out to Mahall's 20 Lanes TOMORROW! Lizz Winstead, Aida Rodriguez, Joyelle Johnson, and Buzz Off, Lucille are all ready to deliver some laughs followed by a powerful talkback so that you can become informed on the many ways to help out your local abortion provider!