We think it was Jon Lovett of Pod Save America who made this analogy but we think of it often: You know how in Jurassic Park when the dinosaurs would run into the electric fences over and over to see where they’re the weakest? That’s kinda what the anti-abortion politicians do. They’ve def not as smart as dinosaurs but their ideology should definitely be extinct.

See, there are certain rules of decency and common law that mean that “women” and “pregnant people” have rights and can make their own decisions. But these dinosaurs hate that shit, so all they do is test the fences over and over again. Wasting taxpayer dollars on repairs, they hit and hit hoping that they find the ONE THING that lets them bust through.

So Oklahoma’s senate jumped on the trend of passing a “heartbeat” bill last week. If you’ll remember, 6 states last year passed “heartbeat” bills (at 6 weeks for 5 of them, 8 weeks for Missouri) while Alabama banned abortion ALL TOGETHER.  Now as we all know from having, you know, a knowledge of bodies and how they work, there’s no “heart” at 6-weeks pregnant, but these maniacs tried to argue that if you can hear any cardiac activity, that’s it, sorry, no abortion! For 5 of these states that meant that you had to do a transvaginal ultrasound because that would be the ONLY way to pick up ANY sort of activity at 6-weeks (Missouri, so generous, was just a regular ultrasound that’s why it’s later). They’re just constant trying to (pardon the mixed metaphors) move the chains on “personhood.” 

“Heartbeat bills” were SO 2019, but, ever late to a trend, Oklahoma decided to join in!  But their bill well… is so effing weird. This dinosaur tried to argue — because let’s all remember here that these “heartbeat” bills instantly get struck down and all of the ones that passed last year got blocked so this new attempt would, you know, ostensibly NEED something new but prob  not cuz they people are maniacs — that BRAIN WAVES are the new measure of life and when life begins. How do you measure BRAIN WAVES, Dr. Idiot? He said he wants to “use science to save more lives and close the gap on when you can perform a life-ending procedure.” Again… HOW THE FUCK DO YOU MEASURE BRAIN WAVES IN A FETUS? Is this bill based on fake technology too? We’re gonna look into this more and let you know. Another politician did point out this test couldn’t be done without… having an abortion first. 

Speaking of “You’re not a doctor don’t do this shit” another dinosaur in Tennessee is trying to pass an abortion “reversal” bill. HERE IS THE FUCKING THING, the one study they were doing to test if this “reversal” thing actually worked GOT SHUT DOWN because it was too dangerous. So that means if this politician read this (lol no way) study he thought “OK what’s worse… making a bunch of people bleed uncontrollably or… just letting them live their fucking lives” and GUESS WHAT HE DECIDED!! He’s not even testing the fences, he’s just running through at full speed. 

Anyway, in conclusion, we’d like to leave Jurassic Park.