OK fam, normally another article about politicians being like “we want to ban all abortion, fetuses are people but uterus-havers are just vessels” would… bum us out. We’d normally be like “Man, this sucks and makes us sad.” And yet… somehow this article about them trying to ban abortion at 6 weeks in Oklahoma is… such a disaster that… we just feel befuddled. Let’s dive in.

One thing we love is when the other side is infighting. When OUR side infights it’s like “are we being as inclusive as possible.” When their side fights it’s “DOES THIS SPERM COUNT AS A PERSON, DAN??? ARE WE DISCRIMINATING AGAINST SPERM, CHAD??” 

So basically these losers have been trying to “beat the system” by arguing that they have science on their side forever. And they’re always wrong and often, just so stupid. But what’s very funny is that they are so ridiculous that they are… mad about a TOTAL BAN! They don’t… think it goes far enough! They literally want someone to splooge in you and just instantly count that as a baby. And OK the article says this, it’s not a direct quote, but one politician said he was mad about this 6-week ban because (again this is a quote from the article not a direct quote) “measure is inconsistent and hypocritical and discriminates against unborn children under a certain age.” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? We’re saying “discriminate” now about… literally the splooge inside of you right after he comes. DO THESE PEOPLE EVEN HEAR THEMSELVES?

OK but this article is titled: “Bill to ban abortion if fetal heartbeat or brain waves are detected advances to Senate floor.” And when you read that you’re like “brain waves”?? What?? And then we read this sentence which… truly is not followed up on at all:

“Ikley-Freeman said the test that the author believes makes SB 1859 different from just a fetal heartbeat bill cannot be performed without killing the fetus.” 

WHAT? WHAT????? OK so what it sounds like this is saying is that to do a test for “brain waves” you would have to have the abortion first??? These people don’t even like… know one person they can consult about this stuff before they write these garbage bills. 

Anyway, everything is still a disaster, but this gave us a good laugh in how truly… stupid… it was. It will probably pass the house soon.