It’s the Friday pop-off, y’all! This week has been ROUGH. We are FEELING IT, isolation. We are painting a face on our bowls and pretending we’re hosting a tea party FEELING IT. But someone, Texas politicians, who, you know, we’d think would be stressed about oh… *gestures to everything* are still finding the time to try to close clinics. But a federal judge, who we are sure would rather be at home, is all like “Um… no.” LOL when we you see the way that anti-abortion people are REACTING to the news of clinics being open it seems like they are like OPEN AND LETTING EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN TO COUGH ON EVERYONE, that’s the level of vitriol.

So imagine our surprise (lol jk fake surprise, we’re having fun) when we read the ruling and it is obviously the most reasonable thing ever. Like, abortions are still allowed, everyone should be safe, if they would mess up the number of weeks people have to get an abortion they can obviously happen. SEEMS LOGICAL. SEEMS LOGICAL that you wouldn’t be like “just wait like, 9 more months for this.” 

LOGICAL has not stopped Arkansas and Alaska (IS IT A STATES??) from acting a damn fool. Alaska has suspended abortion during quarantine. And if you thought OUR TRAVEL was already bad IMAGINE travelling to another state from ALASKA!!! Arkansas it’s still BREAKING but what we know is that the clinic there has been told to suspend surgical abortions. And that of ALL THE places to scrutinize the dumbass government has decided to just microtarget a fucking health center because THAT MAKES FUCKING SENSE IN THIS TIME. 

Also… look we know all this stuff we’re just PLAYING … wasn’t it interesting to read that OH BOY turns out Planned Parenthood employees are not EATING safety masks instead of food now and hoarding them in their troll caves where they also live. TURNS OUT, according to certified OBGYN and total badass Jen Villavicenio, clinics don’t even really use PPE. This is because a medication abortion, which is offered through the first trimester of pregnancy (when 90 percent of abortions occur), can be accessed entirely without touch or need for any personal protective equipment (PPE). Procedural abortion requires only the use of eye protection and gloves, neither of which are in shortage.” 

I mean, they do NEED masks, because they are human beings existing in the world now and like, we aren’t gonna go around DENYING independent abortion clinic workers new and clean masks because we… oh who are we kidding, they would totally do that.

This is all to say, you PLAYED yourself Bob Vander Plaats, and your names sounds like Joran van der Sloot trying to be sneaky, by writing a whole article (titled “Opinion: Planned Parenthood ‘medically irresponsible' during COVID-19 crisis”) being like “ABORTION CLINICS ARE TAKING PPE FROM EVERYONE!” This boy uses PPE like 70 times in one article, the one word he knows. But… again… REMINDER, everyone needs masks now, it’s not a “just some people” situation. 

So IDK, fuck yourself?  “The stress on our medical system is too critical for Planned Parenthood to take a political stand right now.” PLANNED PARENTHOOD IS A MEDICAL CENTER YOU FUCKHEAD! And again, clinics everywhere are NOT taking a political stand. They are just trying to help patients.

So congrats, you played yourself.